The struggle is real

Jeg havde fundet på en bedre overskrift, men min hjerne er for blank til at huske den…

HVIS jeg nogensinde skal have en treer (når jeg en dag bliver voksen og rig), så bliver jeg seriøst derhjemme de første 12 måneder efter fødslen. Og hvis jeg ikke gør, skal jeg bare nyde den her baby endnu mere. Der er sket alt for meget indtil videre…

Jeg var i gang med at skrive en brokke-blog om hvor belastende DSB er, og hvor frustrerende det er når begge børn skriger samtidigt i en bus, men så valgte jeg at gå en aftentur ned til åen (med grædende baby i viklen) i stedet for. Det skulle man gøre noget oftere! Trods en grå dag, var det en skøn aften. Solen stod lavt på himlen og varmede min ryg. Jeg smed gummistøvlerne og strømperne, og fik fod-terapi af grusstien. Vandet i åen havde et yndigt skær, og sommerduften var gennemtrængende. Ikke flere ord, det var et zen-moment!

Og så tænkte jeg.. (man tænker ikke hvis man er zen, men whatever) – forleden dag havde jeg en snak med vores lokale imam (og cykelhandler), som jeg holder meget af at snakke med. Det er sådan noget man gør i Kokkedal. Vi kom ind på emnet faste, da det var ramadan, og det der med hvilken rolle handlinger spiller i religionen i forhold til frelse – i islam og kristendom. Nogle gange misunder jeg muslimer og jøder, at de ved, hvad de skal gøre. Altså man skal jo faste og bede på bestemte tidspunkter og bestemte måder, og nej, man bliver sikkert ikke frelst af det, men man kan tro på, at man er et skridt nærmere frelsen. For som vi snakkede om, hvad nu hvis man gør alle de rigtige ting, men stadig tænker forkert eller har en forkert opfattelse af Gud, eller opfører sig som et røvhul resten af tiden? Ja, så ved jeg ikke hvad.. For ifølge Luther ville det måske ikke gøre den store forskel, da man frelses ved tro alene. Dog lægges der alligevel op til, at man skal opføre sig ordentligt og elske sin næste, men af lyst frem for pligt. Det efterlader mig som en ret forvirret protestant, for hvordan skal jeg egentligt leve, hvad skal jeg gøre og hvorfor? Hvis jeg bare tror på den Gud, bibelen fortæller om, er jeg så frelst? I så fald bliver mine handlinger meningsløse, i det jeg kan gøre hvad som helst. Men på den anden side, for mig handler det at tro ikke bare om noget, man tror på i sit hoved. Hvis man virkelig tror på noget, vil det også afspejle sig i ens handlinger (det mente Luther vist også). Så i min verden kan man ikke bare sige “jeg tror” og samtidigt være uforandret. For mig handler det om at tro på kærligheden, og hvis man virkelig tror på den, vil man også handle på den tro. Gud griber ind i vores liv og forvandler os gennem troen, han tilbyder at forny vore sind hver eneste dag. Hvis vi altså er åbne overfor det.

Og her fortsætter vi, hvor vi slap, ved mit zen-kodak-moment. Tidligere på dagen var vi gået gennem skoven i Kokkedal (en meget lille skov på vej til stationen), og jeg tænkte, hvorfor tage toget nogle steder hen, når man kan være i denne skov? Jeg behøver ikke engang hele denne lillebitte skov for at møde naturen eller Gud eller zen. Sagt på en anden måde: hvorfor rejse ud, når man kan være på svampetrip derhjemme? Og med svampetrip mener jeg at opleve nuets kraft. Faktisk er det det eneste jeg stræber efter i mit liv, og jeg kom i tanke om, hvorfor jeg engang var tiltrukket af Hare Krishna-bevægelsen; fordi jeg ikke synes der er noget der giver mere mening, end at bruge sin tid på at meditere, bede, chante, whatever, og være høj på Gud. Det giver mening at være munk. Hvad andet behøver man? Sådan har jeg det nogle gange. Andre gange er jeg styret af mine dyriske instinkter, og så behøver jeg meget, heriblandt at reproducere mig selv. Pointen er at zen er her, kærlighed er her, naturen er her (ok, måske ikke hvis du bor på en motorvej), men du skal være åben overfor det! Man kan sagtens gå rundt i en skov eller ved en å og ikke se skønhed overhovedet, fordi man går rundt i sin egen lille konstruerede virkelighed, bygget op af fortidsminder og forestillinger om hvad der er muligt og hvad der ikke er. Hvis du ikke åbner øjnene, ser du ikke noget. Men hvis du åbner dem rigtigt, kan du se skønhed overalt. Og du kan møde Gud overalt. Gud taler til os hele tiden, men hvad nytter det, hvis ikke vi lytter? Ja, Gud er nådig og vil give os alt kvit og frit, men vi skal altså gøre en indsats for at tage imod det. Det er det eneste, du skal gøre: åbne dine øjne og dit hjerte – men også det sværeste. Så hvorfor har vi så travlt med at fare land og rige rundt i jagten på “noget”?

Så var det babyen begyndte at græde, og jeg indså, at jeg havde stået stille for længe.

Moralen i denne historie: man skal huske at give sig tid til at dvæle ved Guds skaberværk, men ikke for længe ad gangen!

(SÅ – nu behøver I ikke gå i kirke i dag. Selv tak)

Her er et random billede af åen. Jeg har ikke en smart-telefon, så jeg kunne ikke selv forevige øjeblikket #dygtighippie – billede fra www.niras.dk

19 thoughts on “The struggle is real”

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