At kende sine begrænsninger

Glædelig søndag!

Der er stille i Skovhuset (vores lejlighed) lige nu. Begge børn sover og Lassefar ser zombie-serie i soveværelset. Jeg har mange gode idéer til indlæg, jeg vil skrive, men har brugt den sidste time på at scrolle rundt på facebook og andre ligegyldige ting. Jeg er gået helt amok på Instastory, og tænkte, at jeg hellere må vende tilbage til bloggen. Her er der mulighed for at uddybe tingene lidt mere, og så forsvinder indlæggene ikke, som en Instastory gør (hvilket gør at jeg slet ikke kan styre mig).

I dag har hele familien Skov været i kirke for første gang i meget lang tid. Efter Eva ankom og sporarbejdet på Øresundsbanen begyndte, valgte jeg at holde en pause fra vores kirke i København. Det er simpelthen ikke det værd, at tage den lange og besværlige rejse for alligevel ikke at kunne høre prædiken eller få noget ud af det. I stedet havde jeg sat mig for at udforske en frikirke i Humlebæk, jeg har fået anbefalet, men eftersom der også er sporarbejde i den retning, valgte vi den lokale folkekirke i dag. Der kan man gå op på 15-20 minutter, så det er meget overskueligt.

Heldigvis var præsten ham, som altid laver nogle gode prædikener. Han har en god stemme og virker meget vis. Og så laver han en god opbygning af prædikenen, som i dag sluttede af med en opsummering:

“Vi skal være som Gud,  men kende vores begrænsninger.

Det er ikke en byrde – det er frihed!”

Dagens tekst:

“Dette hellige evangelium skriver evangelisten Lukas: Jesus sagde: »Vær barmhjertige, som jeres fader er barmhjertig. Døm ikke, så skal I ikke selv dømmes; fordøm ikke, så skal I ikke fordømmes. Tilgiv, så skal I få tilgivelse. Giv, så skal der gives jer. Et godt, presset, rystet, topfyldt mål skal man give jer i favnen. For det mål, I måler med, skal I selv få tilmålt med.« Han fortalte dem også en lignelse: »Kan en blind lede en blind? Vil de ikke begge falde i grøften? En discipel står ikke over sin mester; men enhver, der er udlært, skal være som sin mester. Hvorfor ser du splinten i din broders øje, men lægger ikke mærke til bjælken i dit eget øje? Hvordan kan du sige til din broder: Broder, lad mig tage den splint ud, som er i dit øje! når du ikke ser bjælken i dit eget øje? Hykler, tag først bjælken ud af dit eget øje; så kan du se klart nok til at tage den splint ud, som er i din broders øje.«

Luk 6,36-42

(eller sagt på almindeligt dansk: vær mod andre, som du gerne selv vil behandles. Nogle ville kalde det karma, men i dag holder vi os til den kristne kontekst).

præsten startede med at sige, at vi skal være som Gud – dvs. barmhjertige og tilgivende – overfor vores næste. Dernæst sagde han, at “vi skal have et modent forhold til vores egne ressourcer” – klogt, ikke?

Og hvad vil det så sige – et modent forhold? For mig ligger der tre ting i det.

Begrænsninger

For det første at lære at blive bevidst om ens egne begrænsninger, som præsten sagde: man kan ikke hjælpe alle mennesker, og hvis man forsøger, kan man hurtigt selv blive en af dem, der skal hjælpes. Det er der naturligvis ikke noget galt i – at have brug for hjælp – men jeg tror de fleste gerne vil undgå at blive udbrændt. Nogle gange kan kristne, som er engageret i kirkeligt arbejde, fremstå som supermennesker, men også i disse miljøer eksisterer der udbrændthed, selvom der for det meste er et meget stort overskud både af ressourcer og energi.

Jeg har selv kæmpet meget med at lære mine egne ressourcer og begrænsninger at kende, da jeg altid har været sådan en, der gerne ville redde hele verden. Men som den kloge præst sagde: det kan jeg ikke. For mig har det at erkende mine begrænsninger, givet mig mere frihed. Før blev jeg ofte apatisk og handlingslammet, for hvis jeg ikke kunne redde hele verden, kunne jeg ligeså godt give op, (men så kom jeg på 12-trins-kursus og blev frelst!) – ej, men efter jeg begyndte at tænke i mindre målestok, og tænke “hvis bare jeg kan gøre en forskel for et menneske, så har jeg gjort noget meningsfuldt”, så er jeg blevet mere optimistisk og har lyst til at gøre mere. Nogle gange kan jeg selvfølgelig godt tænke at det ikke nytter noget, men så minder jeg mig selv om at fokusere på det enkelte menneske og på det nære. Som præsten sagde: folk skal vide, at hos de kristne, kan de finde godhed. Det handler meget om, hvilket menneskesyn, man møder folk med.

For mig handler det kristne menneskesyn først og fremmest om et møde mellem mennesker, et møde hvor den kristne ser den anden person med Guds øjne. Hvor personen føler sig mødt, virkelig mødt, lige der, hvor han/hun er. Det er noget, jeg tror mange mennesker i vores samfund længes efter: at blive mødt med nærvær, åbenhed og blive set og lyttet til.

Muligheder

Lige så vigtigt som at kende sine begrænsninger, er det at se muligheder! Det er noget jeg har arbejdet endnu hårdere på. Ofte ser jeg mange begrænsninger, men ingen muligheder. Det her med at kende sine begrænsninger skal ikke blive en sovepude. Der findes mange ordsprog: “man skal elske sig selv før man kan elske andre”, “man kan ikke hælde fra en tom kop” – og det er der nok også meget visdom i. Men betyder det at man selv skal være helbredt før man kan hjælpe andre? Nej, ikke nødvendigvis. Det er noget jeg har tænkt meget over, da min egen indgangsvinkel til troen netop var at være syg og blive helbredt af Gud.

Da jeg kom til tro var jeg lige blevet helbredt, men var stadig dysfunktionel på nogle områder. Ting tager jo tid. Samtidigt havde jeg en meget stærk følelse af at jeg havde lyst til at gøre noget: tjene Gud. Jeg følte også en pligt til det efter alt hvad han havde gjort for mig. Ikke fordi jeg tror det er “noget for noget”, men som Luther siger, vokser der ofte en trang frem til at gøre noget for andre, når man selv har mødt Gud. Og det er jo netop det, dagens evangelietekst lægger op til, nemlig at give kærligheden videre. Men hvordan? Jeg var helt besat af at finde ud af hvordan, men synes opskriften lod vente på sig.

Ja, der står i bibelen at man skal elske sin næste, men hvordan gør man det i praksis, og hvor begynder man, når man gerne vil redde hele verden? Jeg vidste ikke hvor jeg skulle tage fat, derfor endte jeg med at gøre ingenting, og så alligevel ikke. Jeg startede med at opsøge en kirke (valgmenighed), og ved at deltage i et mindre fællesskab (basisgruppe), opdagede jeg, hvad jeg kunne gøre. Jeg fandt ud af at jeg var god til at snakke med folk om tro, noget mange mennesker har brug for. Og jeg lærte at bede for folk, hvilket jeg ofte gjorde, helt spontant. Måske blev de ikke reddet eller helbredt, men de fik et glimt af Gud, et øjebliks ægte nærvær, og nogle gange er det nok til at komme igennem endnu en dag.

Som med så meget andet var jeg meget ambivalent omkring det at skulle hjælpe andre, for jeg kunne jo ikke engang hjælpe mig selv? Jo, det havde jeg jo gjort, da jeg et halvt år forinden havde lagt mit liv i Guds hænder ved at tage i kloster, men hvordan skulle jeg kunne være noget for andre, når jeg selv stadig var broken på nogle punkter? Her kom jeg frem til troen på, at alle har noget at give. Det er også det, vi læser i bibelen, når Gud gang på gang vælger de fattige og svage som forbilleder. Jeg har også sidenhen mødt det i forskellige kristne (evt. socioøkonomiske) initiativer, fx caféer for udsatte mennesker, hvor “brugeren” også er frivillig. Det afspejler det kristne menneskesyn, hvor man ser det enkelte menneske, og måske ser nogle ressourcer, som resten af samfundet overser, eller i hvert fald giver personen lov til at bruge dem. på den måde får personen lov til at være medmenneske frem for klient eller patient, og det styrker troen på dem selv. Så ja, man kan godt give noget til andre, selvom man selv har det svært. Det kræver bare at der er nogen til at få øje på det. Dog er der også grænser, eksempelvis bør en psykisk syg måske ikke lege psykolog, og er ens eget liv præget af dysfunktionelle relationer bør man måske ikke være parterapeut (selvom der sikkert findes eksempler på det).

Det jeg selv har erkendt er, at jeg ikke kan redde hele verden (men forsøger alligevel nogle gange). Derimod kan jeg gøre mig umage i mødet med min næste, og forsøge at møde ham/hende med nærvær og kærlighed. Måske kan jeg inspirere og hjælpe nogle mennesker bare ved at fortælle mit vidnesbyrd, hvilket også er en af grundstenene i 12-trins-filosofien: du kan kun beholde det, du har fået, hvis du giver det videre. Så giv. Uden at forvente at få noget igen. Hvordan kan det være frihed? Det kan jeg ikke forklare, det må du selv erfare!

Det tredje punkt hedder “egenomsorg”, men jeg vil stoppe her, da dette indlæg allerede har taget mig to dage at skrive (man arbejder langsomt med baby, og ja, jeg har snydt med datoen). Men glæd jer til et indlæg med overskriften: “Man skal nyde før man kan yde”!

God søndag derude!

 

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