Fritid, mig-tid, Gud-tid

“At være sammen med Gud / tilbringe tid med Gud” – dette udtryk hørte jeg første gang, da jeg for tre år siden var i Taizé med en gruppe danske kristne fra forskellige organisationer og baggrunde. Og jeg fattede det virkelig ikke! Det gav jo ikke mening.. hvis Gud er allestedsnærværende på alle tidspunkter, så er man da enten altid sammen med Gud eller også er man aldrig….. ?

Her sidder jeg så på min flade, med en dejlig varm kaffe i min mumikop, Taizé-sange i baggrunden, foran skærmen, klar til at blogge. Det er ofte her jeg går i stå. Eller altså, jeg får ofte en idé til et emne, får skrevet en overskrift samt et par linjer, og så når jeg bare ikke mere..

Jeg fatter helt ærligt ikke, hvordan diverse “mommys” får tid til deres blogs! Eller ikke-mommy-bloggerne for den sags skyld, som nærmest har endnu mere på programmet i hverdagen (ud fra dem jeg kender/læser med hos). Men idag er anderledes end andre dage. Jeg har nemlig haft fritid siden kl. 10.30! Fritid er for mig ensbetydende med tid, hvor jeg ingen planer har. Tid, hvor jeg ikke skal servicere nogen, kommunikere med nogen eller foretage mig noget som helst seriøst eller konstruktivt. Ok, det jeg snakker om her, er nok mere rendyrket afslapning. Men jeg ville ønske al min fritid var sådan. Og det er den jo faktisk. Det er dog desværre ikke fordi jeg bare er mega god til at slappe af, men fordi jeg har så lidt tid alene, at jeg skal udnytte den ordentligt, når den endelig kommer! Der var den igen… “Udnytte”, hvor er det egentligt et forfærdeligt ord. Vi skal udnytte vores tid bedst muligt – en tendens, der er vandret fra det store samfund og ned i min lille verden. Og som invaderer selv min kostbare fritid. Jeg føler, at jeg skal “skynde mig” at slappe af. Det er altså ret svært, skulle jeg hilse at sige! Ligesom dengang da jeg var gravid og ekstremt træt, samtidigt med at jeg havde et travlt program, der skulle jeg udnytte hver lille pause til at sove, om det så kun var 10 minutter, meget stressende.

Nå, tilbage til nuet. Jeg kunne have brugt de sidste to timer på at have fordybet mig i bloggen, det er mit eget valg, at jeg ikke gjorde det, så jeg skal ikke klage mere. Sandheden er, at jeg langt hellere ville spise fastfood, liggende på sofaen med Desperate Housewives, telefonen på flytilstand, efterfulgt af en 25-minutters powernap. Men først skulle jeg selvfølgelig klare de mest presserende indkøb og oprydning #housewifelife, og så er tiden altså gået!

Det lyder fint det hele.. men hvor blev Gud af i det? Der er så meget man “skal” og “bør” i dette moderne liv, vi fører. Man skal være der for sine børn, men også realisere sig selv, have uddannelse og forsørge sig selv, man skal passe på sig selv, undgå stress, “manage” sin tid, huske at slappe af, dyrke meditation og sove nok! Alle disse normer og forventninger gælder også for kristne, da vi bare er normale mennesker (indsæt selv passende smiley). Som om det ikke var nok, skal man som kristen også helst bede en lille bøn engang imellem. Eller det vil sige, der er intet vi skal, heldigvis! Forleden dag kiggede vi ind ad vinduet hos vores falafelmand, og så ham ligge på knæ på sit bedetæppe, midt i en af sine fem daglige bønner. Min mand siger “det må være dejligt at have så faste rammer for bøn, som muslimerne har, så får man det da gjort”. Ja, det er jeg delvist enig i. Faktisk har jeg før i tiden ofte ønsket at jeg kunne være muslim eller jøde, for det der med at have en lovreligion, det virker bare nemmere. Forstå mig ret, det at skulle overholde en masse love, er selvfølgelig besværligt, men hvis man nu kunne føle sig som en god kristen, når dagen var slut, fordi man kunne krydse alle tingene af på den åndelige “to-do-liste”, så ville det være dejligt! Det kan man bare ikke, og gudskelov for det.

Vi er ikke pålagt at bede et vist antal gange om dagen, et vist tidsrum eller på en bestemt måde. Jo, der er én bøn, som vi opfordres til at bede, og det er Fadervor. Den universelle bøn, som indeholder alt. Men mere om det en anden gang.. Jeg føler jeg er kommet lidt ud af en tangent. Min pointe er, at tiden med Gud er sparsom. Hvis man altså definerer “tid med Gud”, som alenetid, i bøn, den kontemplative form for gudsdyrkelse. Det er noget jeg sjældent tager mig tid til. Men Gud er her jo altid! Derfor er han også med nu her i min sparsomme fritid. Jeg behøver derfor ikke have dårlig samvittighed over, at jeg ikke har brugt hele dagen idag på bøn, og hurra for det!

“Mig-tid” er et hot emne i tiden. Især for diverse mommy-bloggere. Det er vigtigt at få tid for sig selv, det mener jeg også. Men hvorfor ikke slå to fluer med et smæk? Hvorfor adskille det hele – “mig-tid”, “familietid”, “tid med Gud” ? Det hele er jo forbundet, så fantastisk er det skruet sammen. Så Gud er altså altid nærværende, det er jeg overbevist om. Spørgsmålet er: er du?

Nej, det er jeg ofte ikke. Især ikke under afslapningsformer som tv-stening, instagram osv. Derfor holder jeg af at gå en tur. Det gjorde jeg sidste gang jeg havde lidt mig-tid (det er over to uger siden). Her oplevede jeg at forene mig-tid og Gud-tid, for naturen hjælper mig med at blive nærværende. Man kunne også sætte sig ned og læse i bibelen eller bede eller bare være stille. Men det er desværre noget jeg ikke længere er så god til, som jeg har været. Måske har det noget at gøre med den der “jeg skal skynde mig at udnytte tiden”-følelse. Her hjælper en gående meditation virkelig. Og heldigvis er det godt nok, Gud er her altid, det er os der skal tune os ind på ham. Det kan være svært, men heldigvis har han uendelig tålmodighed.

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Gå. Bare gå. Et skridt ad gangen. Gud er med dig.

 

 

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