Livet går i ring

Var det ikke for den nye sæson af A Handmaid’s Tale, havde jeg nok ikke påbegyndt denne tankerække. Eller siddet i min sofa og spist pommes med sovs (selvom jeg ser Netlifx – HBO virker for uoverskueligt). Jeg er ude af form, kunne ikke engang spise halvdelen af det, der lå på tallerkenen. Det er en måned siden sidst jeg skrev her. Jeg har levet en del i det, nogen kalder IRL (In Real Life). For eksempel har jeg slet ikke været på Instagram siden i onsdags. Bliver man klogere af det? Jeg ved det ikke.

Jeg har endnu engang erkendt, at livet går i ring, og min status som sofakartoffel i dag, minder mig om det. Selv denne erkendelse går i ring og opstår på ny flere gange om året, men især ved skiftet fra vinter til forår. For præcis et år siden lå jeg i min seng og spiste pommes med sovs, mega gravid, og det mest spændende der var sket i mit liv længe, var at jeg havde fået HBO-abonnement. Nu har jeg netop tegnet et nyt prøve-abonnement, og sidder her, men denne gang er jeg ikke så tyk, ej heller ligeså træt.

Et år er gået, den 12. april havde jeg gået hjemme i et helt år. På den ene side er det fløjet forbi (as if, men det skal man jo sige), og samtidigt føles det som 10 år. Jeg har fået gråt hår og lange patter, eller sådan føles det i hvert fald. Jeg har været i dvale og dog i rivende udvikling. Vinteren tog hårdt på mig denne gang, men jeg er ikke alene, jeg har en fornemmelse af, at det har været en kollektiv oplevelse: vi mennesker påvirker hinanden mere, end vi lige går og tror.

Men for et par uger siden skete der noget, foråret kom, og det var som at vågne op til en helt anden verden. Alt er forandret, og med skoven som nabo, kan jeg for første gang nogensinde følge udspringningen på tæt hold. Jeg tror ikke der findes mennesker, for hvem dette ikke er magisk. Om vinteren er her så uendeligt trist, om sommeren så uendelig paradisisk.

Sådan er livet, sådan er naturen, og det er ok. Man kan dø og blive genfødt mange gange i løbet af et år, og det sker for alt og alle, nogle af os oplever det bare stærkere end andre. Det er både en forbandelse og en gave, men i dag kan jeg kun være taknemmelig. Og jeg vil tillade mig selv at dvæle ved denne tilstand et øjeblik.

109 thoughts on “Livet går i ring”

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