Når mor holder fri…

.. så ved hun ikke hvad hun skal lave!

I går skulle jeg undvære Valdemar for første gang efter en lang påskeferie, hvor vi har været klistret sammen 24/7. Det var lidt hårdt. Jeg savnede ham meget de 8 timer vi var adskilt. Alligevel synes jeg det var en fin idé med en fridag til mor i dag, og Valde i dagpleje, så han lige kan vænne sig til at være der igen efter ferien.

Idéen var god, virkeligheden en anden. Ofte hungrer jeg efter at få lidt fritid. Min definition af fritid er et tidsrum, hvor jeg ikke skal forholde mig til andre mennesker overhovedet. Men når jeg endelig får det, kan jeg ikke håndtere al den frihed. Typisk. Samtidigt skal jeg også virkelig anstrenge mig for at udnytte den dyrebare tid ordentligt – dvs med andet end huslige pligter.

Lige for tiden befinder jeg mig i en form for religiøs/filosofisk krise, som foruden at gøre mig i tvivl om alt og give mig lyst til at blive buddhist, fik mig til at mene, at jeg havde brug for at læse noget Martinus.
Derfor satte jeg i morges næsen mod Hørsholm bibliotek for at finde nogle bøger. Men de stod i magasinet, så jeg måtte vente på at der kom noget personale (som ikke er der hele åbningstiden).

Biblioteket er nærmest et stort legeområde, hvor vi tit har været med Valdemar. Så det faldt mig helt naturligt at sætte mig i en sofa i børnehjørnet med et “Vores Børn”-blad. Selvfølgelig var der som sædvanligt en lille gruppe mødre med deres børn. De sad og snakkede, og det så så hyggeligt ud, at jeg næsten havde lyst til at joine. Men hov, jeg havde jo ikke noget barn med. Og da den ene nævnte noget med en Facebook-gruppe for hjemmegående, tænkte jeg, at de nok synes det var lidt mærkeligt, at jeg mig barn var i dagpleje, når jeg havde fri.

Således brugte jeg halvdelen af min (børne)fridag på at sidde i legehjørne og føle mig amputeret og savne Valde, mens jeg forsøgte at glemme alt om børn, hvilket selvfølgelig var umuligt. Flot, mor.

Forresten – kender I det med, at man har ligget med sin telefon så længe i sengen, at ens fingre sover, og man taber den ned i hovedet på sig selv (eller på barnet) ? Godnat!

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