Retræte

I dag drager jeg på stille-retræte sammen med en gruppe andre kristne og åndeligt søgende, heriblandt min lære svigermor. Det foregår ved Vor Frue Kloster heroppe i det skønne Nordsjælland, nærmere bestemt Birkerød. Der er en hel fantastisk skov, hvor mountainbikerne kører meget hurtigt, så man skal huske at være opmærksom.

Vi bor sammen, spiser sammen og beder sammen, men uden at tale sammen. I aften indleder vi stilheden, og bryder den ikke før søndag middag.

Jeg er jo som bekendt ret vild med stilhed, selvom man ikke skulle tro det, så meget som jeg kan snakke. Det var i stilheden jeg mødte Gud for første gang – eller i hvert fald Guds fred. At være i den fred er tilstand jeg tit glemmer, men nu er jeg så heldig at have muligheden for at søge tilbage til den.

En retræte er en lillebitte forsmag på den måde, ørkenfædrene levede på. Som moderne menneske er det virkelig guld værd at kunne trække sig tilbage i stilhed. Man kan vælge at gå i stilhed med et personligt spørgsmål til Gud, for at gå i forbøn for nogen, eller fordybe sig i en bibeltekst. Der er dog ikke noget krav om at have en agenda, og nogle gange kan det faktisk være dejligt slet ikke at have nogen. Forventninger har man selvfølgelig altid, men man kan forsøge at skrue ned for dem. Som så mange andre håber jeg da på, at høre noget fra Gud i løbet af stilheden, men der er ingen garanti for det. Man kan ganske enkelt også betragte retræten som en del af ens dyrebare tid, man giver til Gud. Og så må han gøre med den, hvad han vil. Mit eneste personlige mål for denne weekend er at komme i kontakt med Guds kærlighed og nyde naturen.

I disse Ramadan-tider får jeg lyst til at sammenligne retræte med det at faste. Fælles for de to praksisser er, at man skærer nogle ydre forstyrrelser væk for at fokusere på det indre og på Gud. Men her stopper sammenligningen også. Jeg har nemlig sjældent mødt en protestant, som havde lyst til at undvære et måltid eller et godt glas vin for den sags skyld (men man behøver ikke drikke sig stangbacardibare fordi alkohol er tilladt). Det her med at nægte sig selv opfyldelsen af helt basale behov som fx behovet for mad, kan der helt sikkert ligge en stor åndelig læring i. Visse spirituelle retninger har jo til alle tider praktiseret askese. Jeg tror bare det er de færreste der er i stand til at håndtere det eller overhovedet klar til det. Samtidigt opererer vi ikke rigtigt med ting, man skal gøre. Man skal ikke bede eller praktisere stilhed, men bibelen fortæller os, at det er en god idé at gøre. Fordi Jesus selv gjorde det. Flere gange trækker han sig tilbage i stilhed, fx i ørkenen og i Gethsemane Have.

Skærmbillede 2016-06-10 kl. 13.48.18
hjemmelavet alter fra vores retræte i oktober 2014

Sidste gang jeg var på retræte, er halvandet år siden, fire uger før Valdemar kom til verden. Nu er det en anden tid. Ligeså meget som jeg glæder mig til at skulle afsted, frygter jeg at skulle undvære Valde en hel weekend. Men han er jo i kyndige hænder hos sin far, så det skal nok gå.

En lille del af mig frygter stilheden. Hvor absurd er det lige?!
Det er jo ikke bare fryd og gammen (eller grus og hammen, ifølge autocorrect). Når alt er skrællet væk, står du tilbage med dine egne tanker og synder. Men heldigvis er du aldrig alene. Gud er med os.

Wish me luck!

268 thoughts on “Retræte”

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