Hjemmegående uden barn

Ja, det var jeg et par dage i sidste uge, og det var fantastisk! (bring the shitstorm)

Mandag og tirsdag i sidste uge havde jeg lidt tiltrængt fritid uden barn, og jeg har besluttet, at jeg ikke længere vil skamme mig over det. Ej heller forsvare det. Det var meget tiltrængt efter en presset eksamensperiode, og en god anledning til at samle lidt energi til resten af ferien (som er lang!!). Jeg var ekstremt træt, så jeg lod rod være rod, og lagde mig på langs, så længe det nu var muligt. Jeg havde også to aftaler med veninder om henholdsvis barselsbesøg og museumsbesøg. Ting, man selvfølgelig godt kan gøre med barn, men som nogle gange er rarest uden (Valde ville have kedet sig på det museum, tror jeg).

Før jeg fik børn, var jeg en af dem der mente, at hvis man ikke selv vil passe sine børn på fuldtid, så bør man ikke få dem. Og jeg sværgede, at jeg aldrig ville blive en af de forældre, der sender deres barn i pasning, mens de selv holder fri. Men med så meget andet, ændrede jeg mening. Det er selvfølgelig ikke fordi jeg ikke elsker at tilbringe tid sammen med mit barn, og han er da også langt mindre i pasning end gennemsnittet. Men jeg har erfaret, at den fritid, jeg har uden ham, er guld værd. Jeg har haft fridage, hvor jeg bare har savnet ham hele dagen. Andre gange har jeg formået at slappe af. Og andre gange igen, er tiden bare gået med rengøring og kedelige praktiske opgaver. Jeg ved ikke, hvordan andre forældre kan være evigt-nærværende supermennesker, jeg er også ligeglad. Det skal de have lov til. Jeg ved bare, at jeg har brug for en lille pause engang imellem. Så det giver jeg mig selv.

Selvfølgelig har jeg haft dårlig samvittighed over det! En af vores venner sagde engang, at hun ikke ville have barn nummer to, fordi hun ikke kunne overskue at skulle gå igennem ligeså meget dårlig samvittighed en gang til På daværende tidspunkt forstod jeg ikke hvad hun mente. Jeg havde en lillebitte baby, hvis behov jeg opfyldte til fulde, og jeg havde ikke skyggen af dårlig samvittighed de første 8 måneder af hans liv. Men derefter er jeg begyndt at forstå, hvad hun mente. For så snart jeg skulle tage et valg om hvorvidt han skulle passes ude, kom alle burde-tankerne og overtog. Burde jeg ikke gå hjemme? Burde jeg ikke droppe min uddannelse? Burde jeg ikke have taget mig sammen, så jeg kunne have været færdiguddannet? Burde jeg ikke skamme mig over, at jeg glæder mig til, at han skal i dagpleje? Burde jeg ikke have opfundet Google, så jeg kunne arbejde hjemmefra og blive stenrig? (Ha ha)

Nej! Jeg burde ikke en skid! Det skal være slut nu. Stop nu al den mom-bashing. Jeg magter det ikke mere. Altid skal kvinder høre for, at de ikke gør det godt nok. Og den værste kritiker er ofte en selv. Det eneste jeg bør gøre nu, er at tage ansvar for mit eget liv og for mit barn. Ja, det er lige gået op for mig i dag, i en alder af 26 år.

Det her er mit liv, og jeg er den voksne nu. Jeg kan gøre hvad jeg vil, og ingen skal fortælle mig hvordan jeg skal gøre det. De må gerne give mig råd, men det er ikke sikkert, jeg vil følge dem. Jeg må lære at tage ansvar nu, og ikke længere være et offer, der venter på at nogle andre kommer og tager over. Jeg tror ikke det er godt for et barn, at have en forælder, der er så vægelsindet og ikke tør stå ved sig selv. Det er vigtigt, at han kan mærke, at jeg selv synes, det er en god beslutning, vi har taget.

Hvad andre gør er i øvrigt fuldstændigt ligegyldigt (så fuck de sociale medier). Det vigtigste er, at mit barn trives. Og det gør han. Big time.

Så nu vil jeg nyde resten af min fridag (med rengøring – man er vel housewife).

God “sommer”-ferie. Snart skal jeg holde 5 ugers ferie med mit barn – sut på den, I der dømmer folk uden at kende dem (og klap mig på skulderen og sig jeg er et fantastisk menneske)!

P.S.

Lassefar har desværre kun en enkelt uges sommerferie i år. Men han har selvfølgelig aldrig skullet høre på, at han er en dårlig far, fordi han ikke tilbringer mere tid med sit barn. Tværtimod har det ofte lydt, at det er “synd” for ham, at han skal arbejde så meget, skulle 10 uger på skoleophold i løbet af barnets første år, og kun havde 14 dages barsel. Tænk lidt over det, og kom så og fortæl mig, hvorfor der ikke længere er brug for feminister i Danmark.

The kids are all right
The kids are all right

P.P.S. Mor er ikke sur, mor er skuffet!

43 thoughts on “Hjemmegående uden barn”

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