En drøm er brast – døren er stadig åben

Efter en lang og træg ansøgningsproces, har vi endelig fået svar! Vi har desværre ikke fået en plads i bofællesskabet. Det var vores drømmested, og drømmen blev ikke en realitet. Men så er det godt vi har andre drømme (skal bare lige “tune” mig ind på dem).

Jeg er selvfølgelig skuffet. Men
som en fra min basisgruppe sagde: “så kommer der noget bedre!”
Ja, det har hun nok ret i. Jeg ved det er sandt, men kan godt have svært ved at tro på det. Jeg ved at Gud har fantastiske planer for mit liv, men alligevel har jeg ofte svært ved at fatte det. Sindet går sine egne veje, og ofte er det de mindre hensigtsmæssige. Det hænger nok også i høj grad sammen med vanens magt. I hvert fald for mit vedkommende. Alle mennesker er styret af vaner i en eller anden grad. For mig er det især i forhold til mine tanker. En af mine dårlige vaner er, at gå ind i en offerrolle. Hvor jeg lider (og kan lide det), og mener at alle har gjort mig uret, og at jeg derfor har grund til at være vred. Det er en forsvarsmekanisme, jeg bruger, når jeg forsøger at fortrænge at jeg er ked af det, enten fordi jeg ikke kan håndtere det, eller ikke føler det er berettiget.
Denne “offermentalitet” bliver også aktiveret i situationer som denne, hvor en drøm er blevet knust. Noget à la “hvorfor må alle være lykkelige og få hvad de peger på, når jeg ikke må?!?!”
Kombineret med en meget lille tålmodighed, kan det gøre mig til en meget irriterende partner…

Løsningen er… stop dig selv! Noget vi alle gerne vil lære, når det kommer til vanens magt. Og dog noget de færreste formår. Derfor: bed Gud om hjælp!
Kender I det når man beder “Kære Gud, giv mig tålmodighed, når du synes, men helst nu!!!!”
Åh, den utålmodighed! Den har været skyld i mange uoverlagte beslutninger (inkl. at lave baby og blive gift meget tidligt i et forhold) og megen frustration i mit liv. Og der er ikke andet at gøre end at bede om hjælp, når man føler sig uforbederlig.

Der er to ting jeg vil bede om i forhold til det:
1. Lær mig at lytte til dig/være åben
2. vis mig hvad tålmodighed er

En dør er lukket, men der er altid flere åbne et sted. Man siger jo, at en læremester kan åbne døren for en, men man må selv gå ind ad den. For mit vedkommende handler det nok om at få øje på døren i første omgang. Men så skal man jo også åbne øjnene!

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