Regn og nye erfaringer

Jeg har altid elsket forårsregnen. Duften, lyden og følelsen når den rammer mit hoved. Det er som at blive renset i Guds store brusebad. Og det er jo meget heldigt, eftersom jeg lige har vandret rundt i den i halvanden time for at få barnet til at sove. Den førstefødte, altså. Jeg har haft ham hjemme i dag, for jeg synes han trængte til en fridag. Det var så ikke det jeg trængte til. Jeg er så træt at jeg knap kan holde øjnene åbne. Godt jeg fik gjort rent i går. Nu ligger der en 2-liters Coca-Cola i vores køleskab, og det må Lassefar altså bare finde sig i. Og alle idealer må vige for min trang til dette skønherlige ultrakapitalistiske produkt. Jeg er sikker på det redder min dag. Den har ellers været god indtil videre. Det er jo altid hyggeligt at få lov til at snakke med de hjemmegående fædre om zen og kristendom og svampetrip. Selvom det er meget syret at snakke om. Der findes jo ikke sprog for det, eller hvad? Det er meget absurd at diskutere. Jeg tror jeg ved noget, men i virkeligheden ved jeg ikke en skid om ret meget. Men jeg har erfaringer, det har alle mennesker, og dem kan vi dele. Nogle gange kan man være så heldig at man formår at dele dem uden at bedømme dem, og på den måde er man et skridt nærmere zen. Nå, det var en god erfaring. Hold da op, du ved ingenting, for du er så ung. Nej, erfaringer er noget individuelt, og betydningen og vægten af dem, er det kun den enkelte der kan føle og vurdere. Jeg har måske ikke ligeså mange erfaringer som en der er ældre end mig, og dog, måske har jeg. Måske er mine mere dyrekøbte eller ekstreme, måske er de bare helt almindelig. Én ting ved jeg i hvert fald: at være gravid i uge 39+1, som jeg er i dag, er en ny erfaring for mig, da Valde blev født i uge 39+0. Så hver dag fra nu af er en ny erfaring, og nu træder jeg ind i den famøse “ventetid” (eller er det først efter terminsdatoen?). Man hører så meget om utålmodige gravide der er på sammenbruddets rand og irriteres over velmente forespørgsler fra familie og venner omkring fødslen. Den oplevelse slap jeg for sidste gang, da jeg slet ikke havde regnet med at føde en uge før tid. Indtil videre har jeg taget det meget roligt, bortset fra i går, hvor jeg var tæt på at blive skør i hovedet. Det der irriterer mig er, at jeg ikke føler mig frisk på en fødsel lige nu, fordi jeg ikke rigtigt sover om natten mere. Så jeg tænker hele tiden, at jeg gerne liiiige vil have en lur før det går løs. Det er en meget speciel tid her hvor man bare går og venter på noget, som man på en måde godt ved hvad er, men alligevel ikke, og man aner ikke hvornår det sker, hvordan eller hvor lang tid det tager. Men det er jo en vigtig del af hele den erfaring, jeg er ved at gøre mig nu. Livets lektie så at sige, naturens gang, og en form for et evigt-eksisterende kvindeligt, kollektivt erfaringsgrundlag, som jeg “tuner” mig ind på. Og det er faktisk ret magisk. Så tak for det.

241 thoughts on “Regn og nye erfaringer”

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